A few days ago I suggested that dick visibility was a better measurement of diet progress than the scale, but it occurs to me that there must be objective standards to make this test meaningful. For example, quite different results can be observed merely by testing the dick while it is turgid, rather than flaccid. What if the shower temp is too cold, resulting in the George Costanza problem? Are you allowed to hunch or lean when looking for it? Is it permitted to suck in the gut to achieve greater visibility? I’ve considered these important issues at length and have decided on the following testing rules:
• Test cannot be taken during or after a cold shower - water must be lukewarm to avoid unintended shrinkage
• No hunching, leaning, thrusting forward of the hips – body must be erect (not the dick, the body) and you must look straight down without bending anything other than your neck
• Dick must be in a flaccid state. Turgid would probably result in a more consistent measurement, but I fear that it could result in my achieving the visibility goal prematurely (that is, before I’ve really lost any weight). More importantly, if I have to get a leaner every time I undergo the visibility test, I’ll either be exhausted or there will be many days when testing is not feasible.
• You are allowed to suck in the abdomen. After all, if you’ve improved the abs to such an extent where this means anything, then you deserve some credit.
Any questions? By the way, today I achieved 0% visibility (with a chance of thundershowers); but the scale indicated a weight of 258.
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You've already improved if it's now called sucking in "the abdomen" instead of "the gut." Keep sucking, so to speak.
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