Diet, Day 8 - 1st Week Recap

Yesterday I ate eggs scrambled with cheese, ham and sausage for brunch, had chicken chili for dinner, and an apple for a late night snack. This a.m. I had a great workout, increasing the resistance on the bike, doing core and leg exercises on the weight machines and doing some crunches and stretching. Incidentally, I’ve got a tip for using the weight machines. First thing you do is drape your towel over the weights, so bystanders have difficulty seeing how ridiculously weak you’ve become. Then, when you’re finished, you either take out the pin thingy altogether or surreptitiously move it to a higher weight. Personally, I opt to take the pin out altogether. It just seems fraudulent to do reps at 40 lbs. and then move the pin to 120 after getting your fat ass off the machine. To recap my first week, I started last Monday at 277; but I had scale issues, so I’ll throw out that weight and start with last Tuesday instead -- 271. Tuesday was the first day my scale didn’t rebel against all the fucking poundage by giving me an “ERR” message. That means I’ve dropped 10 lbs. in a week (261 was my weight today). The best news – no more “ERR” messages. I figure an “ERR” message on the scale is kind of like the absence of a yardage marker on the golf course. When you check the sprinkler head nearest your ball and find that it says nothing other than “Rain Bird,” you know it’s really saying, “You are a weak ass sonuvabitch and not even John Daly could reach the green from here.” When your scale says “ERR” it’s a similar message – you are a fat fuck and health and happiness are out of reach. Anyway, I’m still a fat fuck, but now I look more like Charles Barkley than Jabba the Hutt. Guess that’s somewhat encouraging.